Pride and humility in marriage is such an interesting thing. H. Wallace Goddard teaches a lot about humility in one chapter of his book, Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage. One quote that I really found interesting said, “Some years ago God taught me an ironic truth. I don't have the right to correct anyone I don't love. You see the irony! I am inclined to correct my partner when I don't feel loving. When I do feel loving, irritations roll off my soul like water on a duck's back.” After reading this quote, I realized that if we are always “feeling loving” towards our spouse, then we won’t ever feel inclined to criticize and correct them. We won’t try to find their faults, because all we will be able to see, is the goodness in them. I have noticed this in my own marriage. When my husband and I were very first married, nothing bothered me. I look back during that time now, and realize that there were several things that could have bothered me, but I would look at those annoyances with an attitude of “Oh silly Austin. He must have been in a rush or something.” If I was confronted with a possible annoyance, I would just jokingly roll my eyes, or shake my head and smile. I was so in love with my husband (and I still am!) that I didn’t see any of his actions or thoughts as being annoying to me. Now, if he leaves his clothes on the floor, I will get irritated and wonder why he can’t just pick up after himself. It is interesting how being in that “honeymoon phase” and thinking that your spouse is perfect, can change your mindset completely. After realizing this, it made me want to stay in my “honeymoon phase” forever! I want to consistently think of my spouse positively and lovingly even more often than I already do, so that without thought, I can react the way I did early on by simply rolling my eyes and just smiling or laughing.
One of the forms of pride, is selfishness. I feel that this is especially significant in marriage, because you and your spouse have to work together in all things, and not one individual can be selfish. President Benson says, “Selfishness is one of the more common faces of pride. ‘How everything affects me’ is the center of all that matters, self-conceit, self-pity, worldly self-fulfillment, self-gratification and self-seeking.” I think that one of the most dangerous things in a marriage is when one or both individuals are selfish. A marriage can’t happen unless two people work together, and if one or both individuals are selfish, they can’t completely work together. A quote by David Young that I heard a long time ago says, “If marriage doesn’t end your selfishness, your selfishness will end your marriage.”
Being aware of pride and humility in your marriage are essential to making it work.
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