Intimacy in Marriage

In Goddard’s book, Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage, he lists the steps that lead to unfaithfulness in marriage. The list is below.

1. You start out by acting through innocent behaviors
2. You slowly develop feelings of affection
3. You flirt with no harmful intentions
4. You think of the relationship as being “special”
5. You go out of your way to make time for this “special” person
6. You make excuses and hide the “special” person from your spouse
7. You prefer to spend time with “special” person and replace your spouse with them
8. You start finding faults in your spouse
9. You start think about fantasies with the “special” person
10. You exchange some kind of physical touch or romance
11. You have sexual relations with the “special” person.

These steps really shocked me when I first read them. They totally make sense, but they are each so slight and start off being so harmless, but they can get out of hand very easily. Even though I haven’t experienced anything like this yet, this list is a good guideline and shows me what to watch out for. I also liked Goddard's analogy of the grass being greener where you water it. If we are watering someone else's grass and not our own, then it will appear to be greener and better. It is important to water our own marriages and relationships with our spouse than to put effort and energy into watering a relationship with somebody else. 

Not only is it important to avoid unfaithfulness, but it is also important to avoid selfishness when it comes to intimacy. President Howard W. Hunter said, “Tenderness and respect–never selfishness–must be the guiding principles in the intimate relationship between husband and wife. Each partner must be considerate and sensitive to the other’s needs and desires. Any domineering, indecent, or uncontrolled behavior in the intimate relationship between husband and wife is condemned by the Lord.” It is interesting how the Lord doesn’t just condemn sexual relations outside of marriage, but there are also things within marriage that are not okay. Richard G Scott also mentions this when he says, “Within marriage, however, the stimulations of those emotions can either be used as an end unto itself or to allow a couple to draw close in oneness through the beautiful, appropriate expression of these feelings between husband and wife. There are times, brethren, when you need to restrain you feelings. There are times when you need to allow their  full expression. Let the Lord guide you in ways that will enrich your marriage.” It is important to appreciate your spouse and show them that you love them.